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My friends know about my anxiety on a theoretical level. Like, Yes, Allison has anxiety. I have met Allison. But it is impossible for them to know the Excuses are for wusses shirt in other words I will buy this extent to which this part of my life takes over my brain probably because I somehow still manage to function in society. Unbeknownst to them, every time I talked about dating I was indulging my obsession, making it stronger. It was not just in the back of my mind, but in the forefront of my conversations, too.
My psychiatrist has given me tools to prevent the Excuses are for wusses shirt in other words I will buy this dreaded spiral. One of them is imagining an actual stop sign in my head. That has worked well at stalling my thoughts…for at least thirty seconds. I clearly needed a new plan of attack, something I’d never tried before. So one day, after a particularly disastrous interaction with a potential paramour, I decided to start a moratorium. I was still going to date, but I was no longer going to talk about it. It was my last-ditch effort against my own brain. I might not be able to extinguish the anxiety that courses through my veins, but I can stop giving it more oxygen. I’m not really sure how science works. This thought process has not been approved by the FDA.
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